Mutter, Mutter, Mumble, Mumble
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Monday, February 7, 2011
We are looking for a place to live. And in Seattle it's either EXPENSIVE or Zeb and Maynard land.
We found a beautiful large townhome in the burbs at just the right price if we move some finances around and change a thing or two... there is a little fountain in the small backyard area, and the owners of the place are afraid Luke will get hurt... so despite them loving us and wanting to rent to us, they won't...
My plan? Befriend the tenants they DO rent to... go over for a visit and push Luke down in the backyard... then SUE THE FUCK OUT OF 'EM! That'll show them!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
it's a joke, geez!
p
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
8:39PM
So Meg and I are lookin' for new digs. The lease is up at the end of February and she has impressed upon me that it may well be the living arrangements that have turned my attitude so sour on the Seattle area.
Right now we live in a two bedroom apartment in order to save on expenses. That puts us sharing a bedroom with the baby. We also live downstairs from some noisy ass inconsiderate neighbors and I've become a bit of a curmudgeon in my dottage.
Also, sitting around not quite sure if we are moving to the Bay Area is less than satisfying. After all, it could be a long while before THAT happens or it could happen tomorrow. No since planning on tomorrow and missing out on living now, eh? SO... we are looking for a 3 bedroom, maybe a rental house or town home at least. It will be in the same area since we don't want AC to have to switch schools.
In this way there may be more privacy, some space for making music (just doesn't happen these days with all the thin walls and close quarters.) and maybe a better outlook on these circumstances.
After all, it can't be all that annoying that NO ONE here can drive a car, CAN IT? There must be something else that drives me batty...
hehehe
p
Friday, December 31, 2010
11:21PM
I miss Livejournal.
oh, wow... no one from work is on here... I don't have to censor!!!
That alone makes LJ superior... I mean, what's the sense in posting your thoughts when you can't share YOUR THOUGHTS?
Anyway... Work is good here in Washington, I am a successful store manager... but I am truly surprised by how little I like Northern Seattle. Everyone tells me I would like it better ifI lived closer to the city, but I don't see it making a big difference. I have lived in a lot of places and understand that regional differences make for sometimes diverse attitudes, but it's just not my kind of place.
Work is so absorbing I have little time for much else but it and the kids... and then I don't have enough time for the kids. I am looking forward to the next promotion so I can move back to California (this time, in the Bay Area, likely) Better pay, better culture, closer to home for the kids... Hopefully it is soon.
It's been a long time LJ... I am glad Elena prompted a check in.
p
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I'm getting settled. The Job is good, the store is a guitar center... .... ..... its a good gig.
I found a decent, if a little pricey, little place in Mill Creek, WA ... which is about 20 minutes north of Seattle.
Its a good feeling, clean air city up here. Seattle is inspiring and frustrating all at once. These people all complain about the weather, which I'm suprised by because you would think they'd be used to it. They drive too slow and are a little too laid back for me but I will integrate I am sure and I will come tolove it. There is plenty to love,about the people and the land (which is stunningly beautiful)
I return to Sack to get the house into a u-haul and then move, by myself, back up here on Wednesday. I have no idea how I will get the furniture off the truck and in to the apartment yet. Hehhehehe...
one thing at a time. Finding a place was difficult since I was starting at a new store and there is a lot of work to be done there.
ah well... the next couple of months will be interesting. I haven't lived alone in 13 years, and I haven't lived alone without even roomates in nearly 17 years. I shall find peace in it I am sure... but I suspect there will be something else to find in the solitude.
I worry that the baby will forget me. He is one year old next Saturday. I can't wait for faster reliable internet (connection at the hotel is garbage) so that I can Skype with the family, read the baby books and get some face time with him.
s
Friday, March 12, 2010
It's Official as of today..
I'm moving to Seattle... I will be there Tuesday morning! Meg and the kids will move up in June!
BIG changes for us.
Lotsa stress getting there that quickly but it will happen, stress or not
s
Thursday, February 25, 2010
i can't post this on facebook because i have too many coworkers there and its very hush hush
but it looks like we may be moving to washington...
anyone on here able to advise on neighborhoods in the south Seattle / Tacoma area? farher South than White Center (don't want to live there, nope, not for me thanks)
I'm thinking more like Tukwilla or Tacoma.
I'll be going up sooner than Meg and then travelling back to clean up and sell the house overt the next few months.
If it happens at all... which is still an if!
s
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
10:49AM
There is a thing that whithers in us
after the stresses and troubles of growing older we become protective of ourselves, we become respectful of survival and the need of those who depend upon us. We sacrifice. We weary and insulate and this thing that whithers collapses beneathe the terrible burden of being.
As it weakens we might be wise enough to see it slipping and lament its passing. We might try desperately to regain it. Or to stop its demise. But being pushed here, pulled there, hit by this this and torn by that we soon develop habits that protect us and destroy it.
Its understandable, if you get hit often enough you'll start raising your hands in defense... you might, maybe, after a long time wrestling with life's pains and troubles, begin to hit back... even a pacifist can be pushed when cornered.
As a young person we fear nothing... we face life with passionate ABANDON!!! We hunger for experience... we crave asomething different... delight, pain, hatred, love burn and course in streaming pools of ecstacy! Its all there, right beneathe the surface and often boils over in a cascade of torture and joy,. We make the worst decisions, pursue the most dangerous will-o-whisps and fall headlong, face first into disaster. OVER AND OVER.
Aging we learn to stop dating crazypsycho trouble magnets, we no longer quit a job to go to the city with an acid dealer, we stop skipping meals in favor of riding motorcycles or making music or having great sex or skipping around frightening people who "never learned to live"
And honestly, its a pretty good thing... because we have house payments, school clothes, utility bills and car payments to make. other people to please! We make concessions that bring greater success in long term goals.
But this thing whithers... it collapses and if we are not careful it dies... We stop noticing sunsets, flowers in bloom, little smiles. We can no longer appreciate a single moment captured in our awareness like a dew drop slipping from the tip of a leaf... falling... into eternity's sun dappled soil to be soaked in and nourish the life, the love of BEING in every moment.
In surviving we lose what makes living worthwhile. We become husks of dried flesh, self concerned and driven by hope that maybe somewhere over there we might FEEL something... think something, be something yet unconceived...
but we aren't... we instead slip slowly into decline. Dreams become a stupid notion we discarded with our youth, our integrity, our purpose for being.
collapsed, discarded... a vaccum. crushed.
p
Monday, November 2, 2009
9:39PM
well, I've been busy with music a lot these days.
I got a Novation Launchpad for use with Ableton and I am loving how intuitive and LIVE it makes the software. I've also been digging in to Ableton and getting very excited about how powerful this program truly is... it makes me WANT to play gigs and get all "scene" and stuff. I wish I still knew "people" etc... it is just awesome.
I'm currently using my launchpad, a nano-kontrol for lie mixing and two keyboard controllers (mpk49 and Novation remote 25 for those who care or know about these things) coupled with Massive, Omnisphere, Absynth and sampling alongside my Virus Snow and I don't think I have had a more inspiring and creative rig in ages (maybe back to the psytrance days and all that hardware I used to play with)
I am returning to the stage this weekend with John (my partner in Chemical Angel and long long long time friend) to do a noise/ambient/beat show. It will be interesting in that I haven't played out in a while... but I'm in it for the art and the fun of it.
My hope is to take the new setup solo as well (or team up with someone I haven't considered yet) to do some more beat and groove driven Glitchy IDM stuff with the same rig. Maybe play some coffee shops/art galleries... that sort of thing.
There has also been talk of reviving Chemical Angel and doing it far more live and spontaneous...
I'm looking forward to making music for people again and I hope I'm genuinely able to find the time with everything else I am commited to these days.
Here's to it!!!
s
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
it has been ages since i have posted anything meaningful.
i figured i might take a minute and update.
most people hve nipped off to myspace, cancelled their myspace and ran away to facebook by now... and that's why i never see posts from them anymore i think.
that' not the case with me.
i just one day a couple of years ago decided that i was sick of "hearing my own voice" and shut up. I often still read... and i kinda miss the folks here. But I'm terribly busy these days and have no real time for the online.
An update:
I have a fourth son now. We welcomed my son, Lucas Cuinn, to the world in April. He was born premature and in the midst of mom's very bad high blood pressure (bed rest sucks, I hear!) But he is happy, healthy and blessing us every day with little bits of vomit and a classic Aries temper... far and away the most explosive temper of any of my children (oh, yes, you can tell even at this age.)
I am currently the Sales manager of the local guitar center... it pays ok (though not great at all) and allwos me to have a job doing something i know well (pro audio and synth sales.) Actuakly as the sales manager i don't really sell directly to folks as often as I like but I DO get to teach others and that's pretty cool. My boss is impossible to work for and I may be looking for work here as I feel that I can't progress and promote up and away from this guy until HIS boss deals with him... and that could be a while (if ever) and I don't really have a while!
I still make music, mostly drum and bass these days... but I left the band I was in last year and now my music work is hobby-ish since I have no meaningfuL NEED to producean little time to spend on it. Its funny and ironic and stuff, because I finally have the means to have al the gear I want due to my employee discount and greater opportunity to build professional relationships in music due to all of the contacts i have at work... shrug
not a whole lot else to report I'm afraid.. i kind of have a policy of not dicussing the ol' dharma any more (there were too many people making more of what I banged out on the interweb than was appropriate and no one benefits from the ignorant spouting ignorance... so i shut up!) hmmm, what else since way back when? shrug... I miss my friends, I have so few any more! It's like the SIMS (that computer game) where you have to put all that work into calling and chatting or people feel slighted like they aren't important to you. Most of the people I knew in the past few years were terribly important to me... and I've never understood why time passing without words from one another should be so costly... i just don't get it!!! My old friend Naomi was like me in that, we were best friends right away even if we only saw one another every few years. i miss her too these days... wonder where she ended up!
I wonder a lot... hehehe
hit me back if you read this and care.
s
Monday, June 23, 2008
12:38AM
its over we can all go home now
George Carlin is dead...
that's it, turn on the lights, lock the doors, go home
p
Monday, December 17, 2007
9:47AM
got the wyclef jean album yesterday
as a musician i'm humbled
as a man i'm embarrased
as a human i'm hopeful
it's really a really good album... it drifts into "radio-pop" now and again, but only a little... and even then, its the best music on the radio hands down...
"Welcome to the East" shows more thought and creativity (not to mention AWESOME production and mixing) than anything the trite, retarded and reactionary modern hip-hop scene has to offer.
just a damned good album
p
Monday, November 5, 2007
7:49PM
healthcare in america is the most glaringly obvious example of how utterly BAD capitalism is as an economic device.
the idea that something so important to the fabric of a community comes with a price tag... a fucking PROFIT margin.
Capitalism is not good, America is not good, Selfishness, Greed and Apathy are not good.
Every couple of days I vascialate wildly from satisfied to sick and fucking tired of it all.
Its like the karmic pendulum is swinging so quickly I can no longer make sense of which extreme it's cutting through. I'm just clinging to it and shutting my eyes but it keeps moving faster, faster... Its a ride I can't get off of, but unlike most tumultuous madcap experiences it will only end when I do... Meditation, practice... its said these lead to whatever I seem to need... but i've nearly stopped entirely. Two years ago my world started collapsing, then it got worse... now I'm supposedly through it, but i feel like i'm just lying in the shambles of it all. And its so thick, so fucking oppressive that even breathing takes work.
There are two posts here... not just one... and i suppose i'll likely delete one of them by morning... i hate the idea of all that hopelessness
p
Friday, September 28, 2007
goodbye my friend
what the fuck?
heart attack at 38...
all my love, my old friend
tori
Friday, September 14, 2007
Are you?
Stupid, I mean...???
George Bush thinks you are...
he promises to draw down troops and start bringing people home from his big fucking mistake in the middle east...
that sounds good...
but please remember, he sent 10,000 more troops to Iraq at the beginning of the year as a surge...
he promises to draw down 5800
are you stupid?
He's counting on it...
p
Monday, April 9, 2007
ok, so I'm taking just a minute to post, cause i never do anymore
cause I'm working my ass
hehehe
I have a horrible paying job, minimum plus sales commission.. if I ever get into the swing of consistent sales, i might make enough money to get by, heheh...
until then it's all about HOURS
I've spent no time with my family in two weeks, because we REALLY need the pay this month. I work from 1 to 11 every day, and i've only hade like ONE DAY off since I started there... of course I'm not complaining, I need the work and I'm glad to have it.
But it does mean that I go like two days straight each week without seeing my youngest AT ALL. and i really don't see anyone else much either.
Oh,well, eh? at least I'm working, which is more than I could've said last month.
of course this means I am ABSENT from my life. i suppose for now it must be one thing or the other.
p
Thursday, March 15, 2007
10:19AM
cool
try as i might i am undereducated for the jobs I qualify for, and over qualified for the jobs I am now applying for.
Guy at Target laughed at my last week for applying... because I, "Should be mailing my resume, not walking in an app" not surprisingly I haven't heard back.
Guy at Guitar Center last night seemed determined to explain to me how the job could potentially make me, "Half what I'm accustomed to" I thought my answers in the interview made him feel pretty positive about hiring me... (at $8.00 hrs plus sales commision) but he said he'd call me back last night, and he hasn't. I called him this morning, and got brushed off after being on hold for 5 minutes.
LOTS of other jobs have come up similarly and not materialized. I can't get call backs from the places I'm qualified to work at... and no one else seems to think I will take working for them seriously because I have held responsible positions and made more money than they pay.
Even the local temp agencies tell me, "We aren't used to placing managers." I say, "I don't wanna be a manager, I'm happy to work on the phones, etc..." ... "Oh, well, we are accustomed to placing students and young people with out so much expereince, but if something you seem suited to comes along..........." apparently that hasn't happened.
Thing is I can't coast on savings/windfalls anymore. This will hurt, starting now... and I don't know what to do...
I know, it's the bitch and the whine. shrug. Not much else to offer.
p
Thursday, March 8, 2007
10:06AM
ya know... i am reticent to post anything like real life in my journal
i think its because i feel like i should be this thing we work toward rather than what we are
I hate that, cause i know better
its stupid... of course there's no sense in it
i'm ready to quit right now
ready to drop the whole fucking thing in someone else's lap
sick and worn and pretending not to be i will walk further down this pointless path
one day maybe i'll just stumble in to the bushes and take a long fucking nap
doubtful
p
Friday, January 26, 2007
8:05PM
Saturday Night
18 and over
$5 at the door
Chemical Angel (That's Us!)
C/A/T
And Sigma Project
At the Silk in Sacramento, CA (1011 Del Paso Blvd...)
Playing the fierce Industrial TEKNO BEAT DOWN for you...
see ya
p
Monday, January 1, 2007
12:36AM
so many are wishing the frosting on their cake was white instead of pink.
its that simple.
we smush and fold our lives like oragami amateurs in these vapid attempts to get circumstances to appear as we expect them.
they don't. they won't. sometimes they'll seem to... but then we slide back down the crease of the colored paper and wonder how our swan ended up looking like an airplane. and then we have the unmitigated gall to whine and cry about it. LIKE WE'RE SOMEHOW ENTITLED TO SWANS!!!
the truth is that the swan is just an angry goose with a crooked neck.
we won't find what we need in a stranger's kiss... or a bottle... or in embracing what we think is "US" as we collide with our dreams and our feelings and the fears our parents taught us.
It is not the circumstance of our living, not even our actions or our precious snowflake emotions that bring us happiness and suffering.
and therefore none fo these things will free us from them.
NONE!
shhhh... there's another opportunity to put a drink or two away.... another chance to orgasm on the vibrator of our desires... another time or place to glutton on senses and INPUT! like swine at the feeding bin we stick our necks out and chomp chomp chomp on our shit. On the dead! on our own acrid, wasted flesh.
and dive headlong into what pains us.
p
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